...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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