I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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