after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
