please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
