some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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