I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
