I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
