So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
why is half of my head shaved?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
