Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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