Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
