Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
