It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
