He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
