Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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