What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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