You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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