look no pants
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
