Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I only lived at night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
