She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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