I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
