i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
