Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
