you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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