I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
