I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
