In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
