I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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