I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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