I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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