I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
