My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
