have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
