Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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