the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
