There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
