Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
