I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
