he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
