Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
