Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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