imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
