This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
