You just made me feel so damn special
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
