He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
