oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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