If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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