I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I could make wine with my vomit
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
