I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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