Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A bitchslap is in order.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
