Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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