i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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