Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was like eating out sand paper
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
