Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
