I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I still have a little drunk in my system
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
