I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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